but writing here just puts me down even more and makes me sad - so I keep it short.
Some people (who might know me) are may confused about my beeing, feelings, acting, etc. so I put down here a list with some links. I think if you read - maybe just some of them - then you'll see more clearly what intricate kind of situation I am now.
May you be scared or you think "what a bullshit", but seriously, this is HOW I AM. It's bullshit, yeah, but it's the god damn truth!
Small tipp: Some of the Wiki-articles are avaible in other languages - look on the left, down corner, a box named "Languages"
-----------------------------English------------------------
- Wiki-Article about "Love-Shyness"
Gilmartin had seven criteria for each "love-shy man" he included in his study:
- He is a virgin.
- He rarely goes out socially with women more than just friends.
- He has no history of any emotionally close, meaningful relationships of a romantic and/or sexual nature with any member of the opposite sex.
- He has suffered and is continuing to suffer emotionally because of a lack of meaningful female companionship.
- He becomes extremely anxiety-ridden over so much as the mere thought of asserting himself vis-a-vis a woman in a casual, friendly way.
- He is strictly heterosexual in his romantic and erotic orientations.
- Wiki: "Selective Serotonin reuptake inhibitor" - The medicine I was taking the last years.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or are a class of compounds (medicine) typically used as antidepressants in the treatment of depression, anxiety disorders, and some personality disorders.
- Wiki: "Major depressive disorder"
... is a mental disorder characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities
Depressed individuals have shorter life expectancies than those without depression, in part because of greater susceptibility to medical illnesses and suicide. Current and former patients may be stigmatized.
- Wiki: "Social Stigma" - That's what I have
Social stigma is severe social disapproval of personal characteristics or beliefs that are perceived to be against cultural norms. Stigma is often based irrational or unfounded fears, lack of education,[...]
Stigma comes in three forms:[4] Firstly, overt or external deformations,[...] or of a physical disability or social disability, such as obesity. Secondly, deviations in personal traits, including mental illness, drug addiction, alcoholism.
- Wiki: "Involuntary celibacy"
the state of a person who has not established an intimate relationship or engaged insexual intercourse for reasons other than voluntary celibacy or sexual abstinence. The term is used especially for people who, despite general expectations, have had little to no sexual or romantic experience.
In other words: a virgin who don't wanna be a virgin
The list would never end, but I do now.
If you wanna find out more, just type in these words into google - you'll see, theres a lot stuff about that on the internet.
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