What do I believe?

People often ask me, what religion I have and in what I believe in.

The answer is short, but hard: Nothing!

I don't believe in god, nor in a higher constitution, I don't believe that there is a heaven, hell, nirvana, or whatever else. No creed. No god.

This also imply that I don't believe in Love or other Feelings !

If we find a specific person, our subconsciouses analyze the pheromones (smelling) of the other person and compares it with our own DNA and tries to find a solution, like a good combination at the immunity-system against diseases. If it finds it, our body is giving us a big amount of 'feel-good'-hormones, such as serotonin.

At the end, our feelings or stuff called "love" is just a chemical process.

Relationships, friendships and co. are just some chemical actions following specific patterns.

... that's "love" for me: Nothing.

Why? Why you don't believe in god?

I don't know - I think it just came through the time I had depression, which are the last 8 Years now (from the time I was 13 up to now, 21).

Basically, I'm born into a catholic family. I wanted to spend the Sunday otherwise, but my mother took me every Sunday to the church and mostly also on holidays. But I think that's normal, because children mostly don't understand what happens or what the sense is in religion. They just wanna play - not prey. But I followed the waz they gave me. Hey, I even were an altar boy (acolyte) !

The years gone by and more and more I only were going to the church at some holidays (like christmas or new year) and more and more I lost my interests in the church and his preys

The time, where I definitely turned of the church were at my first year in high school (called "sekundar school" here in switzerland):

Those times were the hardest for me, because there I had my first depression and it was one of those moments in live where everything went wrong. And one day, I asked myself:

If there is a god, why should he do that to me?

I mean, the answers are more complicated then you or me expected:

I asked this to some strong believing folks and they told me this answers - which I couldn't really believe:

• "God can't take care of all of us at the same time"
  Ok, beside that everyone is saying that he's 'allmighty' and 'he can see everything', there is a mean point in that statement: During one of our handiwork-lessons in school, a hammer fall off the cupboard - but thanks the care of god, the hammer missed the fingers of the most hated person at the school.
  So, god do take care of a bad person with a problem with a duration of 0.2 seconds - but he can't take a moment of care of a boy/man who has a (finally) 8-year-long depression?
  
  If he can't take care of me (during 8 years, though), why I should then pray to him?
  
  
• "God is testing your faith"
  Giving a boy in the prime time of his life a deep depression sounds like a mean test from an ashole - and i don't pray to an ashole, neither to a mean god.
  
  
• "It was not the work of god, it was the work of the devil, of a bad source"
  Maybe I should pray then to that, because it was stronger then him, definitely.

So, in the End I came to the result that god is blind, weak or just an ashole - all together no good arguments to make someone praying.